07 Dec Bringing Your JOY To The Table – video link
Ah, family, friends, dinners and get togethers.
Everyone bringing their fair share to the table. Sometimes what people bring however can be things like hurts, disappointments, resentments, loneliness, fears and regrets.
Gosh, sometimes it can even be you bringing those things.
I was speaking with one of my clients the other day and we were talking about this very thing. Basically we started out talking about subconscious blocks and the feeling that something was holding her back.
So I shared with her a few stories in this video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3JnZZ9pYAo8
Hey, let’s face it. To lose fat, inches, weight, a negative body image and negative self talk or any other type of personal growth is not for the faint of heart type of person!
It’s for the warrior. For those seeking their inner peace and letting go of past haunts – you’ve got to be a warrior.
I have found that my compassion has grown the older I have gotten and the more I have learned about human behavior and psychology – both of which fascinate me to no end.
We have all had our fair share of drama creep into our lives that was not warranted by anything other than someones misperceptions and beliefs, their pain and triggers. Sometimes something you say might make someone crack up and joke, while to another it might trigger a past hurt and make them lash out at you. Ah… ‘Nosce te ipsum’!
When that happens now to me or when a friend is telling me about someone in their life that is being just plain old not nice, mean, jealous, angry, or unkind… or any of those negatives, I find myself always going towards first “I’m sorry you are experiencing that from them” to thinking, “they are fearful of rejection” or “they are envious or hurt.”
That type of lashing out behavior, if dug down deep enough, is usually rooted in some past pain. Rejection, abandonment, fear, anger, sadness. Yea, not so fun right? Who wants to dig that junk up?
I had an epiphany years ago when my sons were preteens and they were really pissing me off! I finally realized one afternoon that I was not angry, I was hurt. Wow. Yea, that was it. They were hurting my feelings. If you’re a parent – I KNOW you get that one! Sometimes we subconsciously use those closest to us as punching bags for our triggers and pain. I would yell. But once I realized where it came from it was easier to stop yelling and start sharing with them that that behavior hurt me and I started my boundary building. Building these boundaries with love. Love for me, and love for trying to teach them how to treat others. I’ve got awesome sons.
“They” tell me that when the are out of college, they will come around. (I await with great anticipation for the day! I say this giggling).
You know what I think helps besides a great understanding of this human-ness, compassion, and awareness? A huge, ridiculous sense of humor. Humor brings joy to my heart and spirit and I can let the hurt float away and center in my JOY easier.
Let’s face it, holidays can be tough. I grew up around a loud, eclectic bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins, my brother, our friends and an even more eclectic group of hippies, musicians and artists that would stream in and out of the house of Elaine and Maurice Jackson. My grandparents. It was flipping fantastic! Crazy aunts, cool uncle, fun grandpa and loving nana. At my nana and grandpa’s house it was pure freedom, self expression and inclusion.
But that’s just my past. Now I am an empty nester for the most part. I have quiet holidays spent alone, with friends and/or my sons. I don’t have a lot of drama in my life… and I like it. Yet it finds me sometimes through some other avenue. I move quickly through it knowing it’s not my drama, but still finding just a enough compassion to wade through it gracefully with just a couple of scrapes.
So I guess what I am saying is, if the holidays hit you in a way that sends you sideways, just take a step back. Take a breath, and don’t let it stick on you and cramp your JOY. Don’t take on someones junk. Be kind, be compassionate, but do not let their painful projections soak into you and your JOY.
Try not to get mad, sad, exasperated, frustrated or pompous. Find and hold onto your JOY – and then spread that out on the table for everyone to feast from!
This holiday season I pray that God’s holy blessings be upon you and your spirit and fill each of you with abundant JOY!
Walk in Love,